Feel Like I'm Failing....Feel Like Bailing
In light
of climbing national and local rates for teen depression and
suicide, Lomi Forum invited a group of North Bay high school
kids to tell us what they think makes life so hard for their
age group today. Jared, 18, aptly summed up their dilemma
(and perhaps our own as their elders) when he wrote, "I
think the world doesn't understand teenagers. They don't know
what goes on in our heads. I think (when) the older generation
remembers what it's like being a teen, they don't want us
to do the things they did. So some older people may try to
hold us back. Really, all the new
generation wants to do is
live."
In an effort to bridge the gap, here are the candid viewpoints
of Jared and other teens on the stresses they feel at home,
in school and in the world at large. Then, the same kids share
their best coping strategies.
Some
of the issues that teens connect with are violence, especially
school, street and mall shootings, rape, September 11th and,
of course, depression.
Sadie, 18
Some teens feel that they can't live up to their parents'
expectations. Others struggle because their parents don't
have any expectations for them. Without direction from their
parents, teens will get lost.
Sam, 18
My mom's last husband had three daughters: one nine, one thirteen
and one seventeen. I had to share a room with two them in
a new house. At first I didn't like them and they didn't like
me. I was having the worst year ever! Now, they aren't my
sisters anymore, which is stress because we had gotten close.
I miss them.
Kim, 17
There is the pressure to keep up with fashion, the stress
of feeling too fat, skinny, ugly, tall, short, on and on.
Sadie, 18
It seems like girls are looking for their soul mates and guys
just want to get laid. So many people start dating before
they even get to know each other. Then they get their hearts
broken over some petty thing. Being in a relationship takes
up time. For some people it's a constant worry. They're worried
because their person is cheating on them or they're worried
that they'll never find a special someone. Teens shouldn't
have to worry about relationships while they're still growing
up.
Laura, 15
There is pressure with drugs and alcohol all over the place.
Teens go to parties all the time where it's practically poured
into your system.
Kim, 17
You would think that in public schools it would be easy to
find friends. In high school it's very hard to be accepted
for who you are. People will sometimes reject you for what
you wear, what you look like, how you speak, any reason you
can think of. Not having a peer group can bring a teenager
down deeply. I would know, I myself (almost) do not have a
peer group.
Jared, 18
High school is full of tons of rules that tend to be pointless
to teens. While teachers try to be supportive, it can still
be stressful for teens. They will tell you, "You can
do better." And, "This isn't your best work."
When teens hear this, it can be very discouraging.
Kim, 17
The past two years I've been looking forward to graduating.
Now I'm less than two months from being on my own and I'm
already in debt to my father. I have no idea how I'm going
to take what I've learned and use it to become successful.
Now that I'm at this point, I can say that the unknown is
very scary.
Sam, 18
top
of page
 Teen
Coping Strategies
Teens explain
how they deal with all the stresses in their lives.
I get really tired when I'm stressed out so
sleeping helps me
relax and take some time to escape or reflect. One thing I
do isn't a very healthy way but I've come to depend on it.
I smoke. I don't care what anyone says but I believe it calms
me down. I'm just glad I have ways to deal with stress, healthy
or unhealthy, because, as a teen, I probably would have kicked
the can by now if I didn't.
Kim,
17
What works
best for me is hard work. When I work I go into a state of
mind where stress and worries are cleared out of my brain.
Sam,
18
I go out
to shoot hoops, I groom one of my dogs, or I go shopping with
my mom and talk about what is stressing me out.
Jennifer,
17
One of
my personal ways of releasing stress is going into nature,
either by myself or with friends. You see things of beauty
whether you go to the mountains or go to the beach. You can
find many good things in nature and things you don't find,
like TV, news, phones and parents. I also like to swim. Water
is healing. Rhythmic motion heals the body and helps you think
and problem solve. Exercising also make you feel good about
your body.
Sadie,
18
One thing
that works best for me is dancing. And, by dancing, I don't
mean bouncing up and down and side to side or whatever. I
mean classical ballet. Some people don't know what their thing
is and they should try different creative activities and go
for what makes them feel best.
Laura,
15
For me it is writing and listening to heavy music. I write
poetry almost every day and sometimes write in a journal.
It's a way of getting my feelings out when I can't keep them
inside. Music is also an outlet for me. I listen to Korn,
Slipknot, some Nine Inch Nails, Project 86 and Simon Says
because I can relate to the aggression and the lyrics. I also
play guitar and take singing lessons. Playing music is my
physical way of getting things out. I also use scream therapy
as a way of release. It's like yelling at people who don't
listen even though they aren't really there.
Jared,
18
top
of page
Did
You Know?
Facts
about teen depression
•
Depression in an adolescent that lasts longer than two weeks
is NOT normal.
• 8.3% of high school students, grades
9-12, suffer from depression. (CDC)
• 80% of depressed adolescents do NOT
get treatment.
(12.17.02 Newsweek, Koplewicz, NYU Child Study Center)
• In the United States, 1 out of 5 students, grades
9-12, seriously contemplated suicide in the past year. 8%
made a serious attempt, 1,022 succeeded. (CDC)
FOR
HELP
The National Institute for Mental Health (NIMH)
Depression
Awareness, Recognition and Treatment Program, 800/421-4211
California Youth Crisis Line (24hrs) 1-800-843-5200.
top
of page
Friday
the 13th
By
Jessica Bidmead, 17
Tears of joy
Tears of pain
Tears flowing down
Stupid shit on my brain
Home sick
Or just sick
Can't do anything right
My head's too damn thick
His love is retreating
Feel like I'm failing
Her love is fading
Feel like bailing
Gotta stay here
Wait it out
But I feel so empty
What is that about?
Why can't I ever be happy?
Never feel full
My body is always cold
My thoughts always dull
Always been a good pretender
But he sees right through me
He knows me best
I want to see what he sees
Beautiful he thinks
Only because I got rid of the pain
Blood got rid of it
Only scars remain.
top
of page
 A
Therapist's Perspective on Teen Depression
Randi
Farkas, MFT & Mary Killian, MFT
When I stop to reflect on depression I recall
an encounter
with a teenage client who'd been in residential treatment
for ten months. Her life had unraveled quickly after she'd
become addicted to speed, on top of her daily alcohol and
pot use. I'd just uttered some platitude about relapse triggers
when she interrupted, "Randi, don't you get it? It's
not the drugs; I have that piece now. It's the depression.
I'm so afraid of it, of my depression." How many kids
do we therapists try to bandage up, urged on by the school
systems, anguished or embarrassed parents, or society? Yes,
we must attend to behaviors that are deadly. But this young
woman opened my eyes to something I already knew, from my
own experience, yet had set aside. Depression gives off no
light, no color. It's like driving on an unfamiliar country
road at nighttime, in dense fog. Feeling alone and helpless,
headlights don't guide. Rather, they reveal how little can
be seen, how vast the countryside, how deep the ditches and
gnarled trees that await. When depression emerges, therapy
says, "Stop, there are unresolved issues here; you can't
move toward your dreams and goals until you begin healing
them. To do that, you must feel." Borne alone, the pain
of depression can seem intolerable. It bears down, and veers
us from the path our joy would choose. In psychotherapy, we
invite the intolerable to be spoken, witnessed, and felt with
support. Pain is investigated and transformed through being
revealed and understood. For teens, bringing body/self awareness
into the therapeutic process helps them address the "overwhelm"
and mood swings that are such frequent parts of their day-to-day
experience. Whatever the approach, the question for practitioners,
parents and any other concerned adults is "How can we
meet teens, meet ourselves, in the truth of what is hurting,
and walk together to wholeness?"
top
of page
|
